Saturday, November 19, 2011

Time and I.

I'm thinking about the last time I've written about life and what it means to me at this moment. But, I'm a bit perplexed on the matter of time. Time for me isn't something I've been able to perceive with certainty lately. My minutes, hours, days... months... feel compressed into a single moment. I don't feel as though I'm unchanging, I just feel as though time does not exist. When I see the numbers that symbolize the time that's past, I get somewhat confused. I forget the days, I have a difficult time "uncompressing" my perception of time to recall it for my friends who ask, "what did you do this week... this day?"

Time unfolds, I perceive it. I act within the space I'm capable of acting toward. The ideas I present to people affect them. Things change. The future is uncertain, not that the future would ever be cognizant but that state has never been presented to me in such a fashion that would be true. The future is obfuscated by my perception of this dimension. I clasp my fingers and ball my hands into fists. I perceive more than an action, the sensation of my skin against skin. I have this sense of control. This is certainty to me as of this moment.

I may just be tired. I may just be living.

Maybe living is just not enough. Now I wonder where those days have gone when I sought adventure. To breathe the air outside the city. To be in a place I would have never imagined. To experience something I could never manufacture in the shell of my being.

I pray: God, bring me to your everlasting glory.

Now, I imagine God, standing outside of time, outside of my perception of space, and the objects that occupy it. There's no such thing as length for God, it's only relevance for Him is to be able to tell us that we're bound by lengths. By limits. I imagine God is so wonderful, He's able to "see" all of time and space at once. He's able to see our lives as more than a singularity, as more than a means to an end. I find much meaning in this. I imagine God, choosing to love without condition to Himself, and as He sees His creation all at once... for us, past, present and future... continually sacrificing Himself for the creation He loves.

Time is the perceivable state of an object in it's existence within the space it occupies. I'm not an immovable object, and I perceive my existence.

This is the part when my thoughts stop.


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