Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Old Words: Mind: 1 Vessels Part 1

I found old words from a few years ago that still ring true in my heart today. I decided to re-post this on this blog; having it set to re-publish itself two years from when it was written.

Monday, April 21, 2008

Mind: 1 Vessels Part 1

Lord, I pray that you will guide me in my words. I am inspired by the truth in my heart, Your spirit compels me.

My mind has been a vessel for thoughts, ideas and concepts; they move through the oceans of doubt, inadequacies, temptations, and selfishness in a constant flow. Vessels sink, in inadequacies, in doubt... but I pray to you Lord, for the strength and buoyancy to float through these.

I feel inadequate for God's work, yet my Lord still uses me; I feel inadequate for God's love, yet my Lord still loves me; I feel inadequate for God's compassion, yet my Lord still cares for me. His loving kindness fills me, His spirit moves me. In this I trust in the Lord, with my heart.

Yet when I trust in the Lord, I trust Him blindly at times. Where my concern is not that of my own self, but that of how it affects others. I question my intent, I question my love for myself. For how am I to love my neighbor, as I love myself? If not my love for them is not a love for my own. So I trust in the Lord, I pray to Him. A sovereign, great provider I know we have in Him. I pray for His will, and petition my own. I am comforted to know my God is impartial. I am comforted to know my God is just.

I do not know if I love myself. I have no fear in death. My mortality faces me everyday. I trust my Lord will deliver me. I trust that I will be with Him to glorify His name. I have no fear in death. I seek the truth, the word of my Lord. I seek that the fruit of His wisdom, not only in His word, and my testimony shall be a light to those who are needy. O' I love what He has done in my life. I love the spirit within me; I love this frail heart, and this stochastic mind. For my heart I've prayed for it to be as malleable as clay and my mind for it to be filled with discernment with His spirit. I love myself, I pray to be strong, loving, understanding, forgiving, and nonjudgmental. For my Lord has labored in love so that we may follow Him. I am healed by His faith and compassion.

I acknowledge that my heart is still fallible; my Lord has blessed me with heartache. I tell you my mind is scattered into a multitude of thoughts; my Lord has blessed me with questions. How is my Lord to form my heart if He does not knead it? How is my Lord to captivate my thoughts without setting a trap? The Lord works in mysterious ways... I still cannot fathom.

View Mind: 1 Vessels Part 1 in it's original post.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

The Busy...

I've been somewhat busy lately. Busy working, spending time with God and just living. I guess we're all busy in one way or another.

Right now, it's just lunchtime at work and I really have nothing to talk about.

I guess I just wanted to say "Hi"

A lot has been going on in my life the past three weeks or so... I just thank God so much for everything in it.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Part Two: Detours

I suppose that life, in all that I can percieve, unfolds with unsuspected certainty. I cannot believe fully or have faith in all of the future I plan out or intend to make for myself. Nor do I have the capacity in knowledge of the future to make for myself the best outcome of all the underlying potentialities of the present. I only know of the truth that is present from the circumstances and situations that I find myself in.

I believe in the truth of the God. He is apparent to me in all His works and in all His glory. I experience His prescence in my life. Here is truth.

On March 31st, 2010, I was on my way to the Lamont Courthouse in Kern County. I had failed to make my appearance due to car complications. In the possibilty that I could have made it to court, they were closed in observation of Ceasar Chavez day.

Detours

That day happened and I was lost. I only had ideas of what I needed to do, and what should be done. As my father drove us to Longbeach, we talked about the idea and reality of needing a new car. I thought to myself, "I really just need a car that would take me from point ’a’ to point ’b’."

After arriving in Longbeach, my father parted ways from my mother and I to go to work. My mother and I went for a visit at the nearest Toyota dealership I can remember. Mr. Winter called me earlier that afternoon to ask how I was and what my plans were. Upon finding out I was in the market for a car, he also recommended the Toyota dealership in Orange. He’s a blessing.

I took his words under advisement, then my mother and I went on our way to the Miller Toyota dealership in Anaheim. Kendice, a friendly sales consultant, greeted us and asked us what he could do for us. He and I talked about cars, what I was looking for... I like consistency, I’d love a dependable car. The old car I had, was a 98’ Corolla, pre-owned and died at over 187,000 miles. I’ve experienced dependability. Then it came to mind... I wanted a Corolla. My sister showed up shortly after.

I learned something that day. When you’re a first time car buyer, it’s not about what you want, it’s about what you can potentially afford. I was blessed that day. After looking at a few options for cars and test driving the Corolla S and Corolla LE, I just really wanted a Corolla. Kendice introduced us to Jun, and they helped me understand so much about what it’s like to make such an investment. What credit means what it really is... and how mine isn’t ideal.

Grace... I qualified at a minimum down payment and monthly payment I could afford. Jun ran the numbers and worked with what I could afford. My mother and sister were there giving me moral support.

I have a new car, thanks to Miller Toyota in Anaheim, namely Kendice, Jun, and Candie who worked with me to get the car I want.

Some of the financial aftermath, I’m starting fresh with my credit and savings... and that’s a blessing. I thank God so much in His providence and forethought in all it is He does for me.

Read part one: Death of A Car

Monday, April 5, 2010

Three Extractions, One Tooth Exposure later

Three Extractions, One Tooth Exposure later

I went to the oral surgeon's office today. I believe I'm still quite drugged up... but I'm fine. I was asleep for the hour they worked on my teeth. Now I'm home and I just need to rest.

Going to a dentist, doctor or surgeon is really nervewreacking to so many people. I had a mixture of excitement and being scared... mostly because they put me in a deep sleep. Everything seems to have gone well... I just have to take good care of my mouth.

I'm hoping to be better soon. But for now I'm just going to rest. I have gauze in my mouth to stop the bleeding.

Thanks Mr Winter D.D.S, Brian Chung D.D.S MD, for the big help with my teeth. It was a really pleasant experience with both of them.

Well, I best go rest now... I hope everyone else's week is starting off well. :-)

Related Post:

Friday, April 2, 2010

Indian Food for Lunch

Indian Food for Work

Today we went to Diamond India Buffet for lunch and we had a decent meal. I really enjoy eating at that place, moreover, I feel as if I'm partaking in Emily's meals there in India. I don't eat this kind of food that often so it was such a delight.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

The Death of A Car

The day started at 5:40am. I woke up and just started to get ready for the day ahead. Normal, just normal, brushed my teeth, combed my hair, shaved, dressed up in a collared shirt, emailed work for the plans of my day. I prayed and invited God to be in everything of today.

The plan was, to drive up north to go to court in Lamont Ca, then plead innocent for a citation, drive to work, work, then go home. Then pray, think, and pray and worship.

After leaving home, I filled up my tank and started heading north, two hours in and so close to Lamont, California, just shy of 20mi  from my destination when suddenly, "CHUCHAAAAA!" The sound of a hissing cough reverberated through my dashboard, I looked over and the oil light was lit like a angry red lamp. The car stalled... I immediately hit the cautionary lights on the dashboard as I slowly lost momentum to move forward, uphill, three lanes to the right, on the Interstate 5 Freeway. Everything happened so fast. I was careful to observe all the surrounding traffic and road. The shoulder I ended up on was adjacent to the end tail of a freeway entrance.

The Death

I sat in my car for a few moments. I prayed. I called my sister and asked her for some insurance information. I dialed the number, after a few more key presses, going through the menu, a representative from Farmers speaks and asks me how she could be of some assistance; asked for a tow. After getting all the information she needed she placed the request and immediately asked if there was anything else she could help with I asked her for advice... "what should I do about my court appearance?" She replied: "I don't think I could give you advice about that." I immediately called the Kern County Court in Lamont... the answering machine said, "the Kern County Court of Lamont will be closed on March 31st for Ceasar Chavez day." I was perplexed, so I prayed.

I waited patiently in my car and I noticed that it started to rain, lightly. The rain drops were so light that they fell like bubbles. They were floating sideways, like tiny dancing feathers and landed with such grace only to end up on my windshield as dew. They weren't raindrops. It was snow. I delighted in the sight of these flakes of water landing on my car as a blessing. The cold air gently gently guiding each transformation of states, a unique crystalline structure to water, just like every water drop.

Snowing in TowingIMG_9907

The tow truck arrived soon enough, I had not noticed because I opened the hood briefly to see if there was anything I could do for the car. He lowered the tow bed and appeared at my side and asked me to just come out and leave the keys in the car. I did. I came out of the car and left the keys in the ignition. It had occurred to me that I had done something quite laughable. I had left the keys in car... indeed, this is what he had asked me to do; I locked the door. I stated, "Umm, I just did something stupid..." the driver, with his unkempt mustache, replied: "oh, that's a problem." He finished attaching everything he could to my car in that step, in order to affix it to the truck. The following step required a call to his co-worker, to bring the tool to unlock the door. After getting everything done, he began to lift the car up and further prepare it for it's eventual demise.

I was sitting at the passenger side within the truck. I decided that it was too far to tow the truck all the way home as I knew that I home was 160mi away. He told me of an auto shop that could potentially fix my car, and perhaps, maybe I could be on my way to court. So he drove us up the hill, close to four miles and proceeded to enter the hidden hills of Frazier Park. A small pleasant town with erratic springtime weather and nice people.

The Heart of the CarIMG_9912

When we arrived at the auto shop, the mechanics took a look at where the oil should have been on the engine's dipstick. They then took a close look at the spark plugs and  inner workings of the car, while checking the pressure of each cylinder. The the oil and pressure were non-existent. Sludge covered the second to fourth plugs and I was still hopeful, that the heart of this loyal machine, would beat again. As I eluded previously in this story... it didn't. I prayed.

I then started to ask Tabitha, the garage manager and wife of the owner, what options I had. She looked at me from across her desk, in her green knitted sweater and told me, with an upbeat voice: "You could either, get a new engine, have this one rebuilt , or just junk the car." She was kind to me about my situation in her honesty. I asked her if there was any way I could be compensated for the, "junk" that I would leave. She was so helpful and got me all the details I needed. I called my sister again and asked her what to do, she referred me to our mother.

My mom is a dreamer and a doer. She's hopeful and realistic in most circumstances. In this one she was ready to just come in and save her son. She asked me what my plans were. I replied, "I was thinking of leaving the car, then hitching and riding my bicycle to the nearest train station." She was appalled and insisted on picking me up. I gave her the incorrect address and my mother and father eventually found their way through town and came to my rescue. They are such amazing parents. I can't thank them enough for all they do for me.

IMG_9916

After the call with my mom, I knew I needed to eat. I asked Tabitha if there was a place around with free wifi; I knew that there were a few things I needed to finish and deliver and I was determined to just get those things done. She recommended a cafe down the hill from us called Coffee Cantina. Its a cozy cafe with yellow earthy toned ocher walls. I thank God so much for that place. I was able to finish up some work.

IMG_9917

We emptied the car of stuff, we said our farewell to Tabitha, the garage, and the owner. The drive back was pleasant and beautiful, I could see that flowers were blooming on the hillsides. The yellow and green hues just accented and complimented each other in the bright afternoon sun. A few hours later, we were in Long Beach, my father had to go to work and so we parted ways with him, then my mother and I proceeded to drive toward the Toyota dealership in Anaheim, off the Ninety One freeway and Euclid. We had discussed earlier on the trip back that I just needed a new car.

To be continued...