Sunday, March 28, 2010

Sending "Hello"


She's left for India. I'm missing her and it's been a day. I'm doing well, and she is too, I've been reading a bit, hanging with a few good friends, and just cleaning my room. She's been in Singapore for the past 11 hours so far on a layover. One of the things I'm glad about is that we were able to talk a bit over IM. It was really great to hear that she was well. Even from a distance, we're able to just talk.

I like the idea of just being able to send her an email and her just being able to read it... the convenience of communication. I am afraid that many people who use Facebook as a primary way of communicating, may just be missing out on things that are simpler.

Sending "Hello" in so many ways, is just as easy as sending "I love you," is just as easy.

By something simpler, I mean a note. There's something so endearing and sentimental about something you can hold. I like to think about a book, a hand written note, or a painting... all these have a visceral and veridical attributes that no image or symbolic representation on a screen could ever replace. Whenever she writes me a note, I feel as if she's left something of her with me.

I'll be writing her... There's only so much you can say through an email, or an IM.

Facebook Notification Email

On another note, I haven't been on Facebook in such a long time, it seems as if it had been concerned with my well being. I've enjoyed so much of the time I've spent away from the site. I've had more time to read, pray, contemplate life, write, and just be.

Really, I would recommend this to anyone who's been on any social networking site for over 4hrs, just get off it for 4hrs and maybe take a walk or read that book you've been wanting to finish. Sometimes, I realize how tired I am of screens.

p.s. {Sorry for anyone who sent me a message on Facebook, please send me an email instead.}

Related Post: Colon, hyphen, and "D" make :-D

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Through the Flames


In 2007, I took a series of photos at a beach bon fire. While my friends and I were having a decent time just hanging out, we noticed that the adjacent group beside us had other plans. They made the fire larger, we could see the smoke rise into the deep blue sky. The fire illuminated us as we marveled at it's enormity.

We watched as the flames grew, the bright yellow light warmed our faces and the stench of burning freight pallets permeated our clothes. There was a fever within the midst of the crowd. A scream of excitement, "woo!" All of a sudden, one man after another jumped over the fire. The crowd screamed and laughed. I intently watched each man, or each boy hurdle over the angry flame.

So Close to the Light

Sometimes we get so close to the flame and we never realize it. I wonder if this guy knew that he was that close to landing into the burning wood.


I remember that he jumped as a gush of wind followed him.

I somehow find myself thinking of the metaphorical flames in our life. How we need the light for warmth, and how we add so much fuel that it bursts and we're so inclined to dare to somehow jump through it. We face the flames and the hairs on our body get singed, we wreak of it. The hair appears like tiny plastic coiled mushrooms against our skin. I can imagine how easy it is to just burst into flames.

In life, sometimes I feel like I'm playing with fire. Sometimes, I am.

Friday, March 19, 2010

Importing From the Stochastic Memory

In an effort to consolidate my memories, thoughts and writings, within the next few days, I'll be importing a few blog posts from my old site, Stochastic Memory. I'm working on something new for that website. More news within the year of what's to come. I'll update this post of all the links to the new (old) posts.

Missing Her

I'm looking at old pictures of her, from before we were dating, from before I liked her, and pictures of her from the recent times we've been with each other. I can only imagine that we've changed so much within the two and a half years we've known each other. I remember when we had a drink with at Jamba Juice in 2007, when she visited where I worked in Irvine and just waiting with excitement to see her. I remember the late night IM conversations, and personal witty exchanges at church. I remember the story telling, and my eager ear just drawn to her voice. I remember her playing the piano in New Orleans and just being amazed...


I remember when we had our first conversation about our relationship and the confusion it brought me. I think about all the times we've talked about God and life, how He's working with us. I remember the times shared, the funny and some odd conversations in her car, the times we laughed and sighed. I remember all the times she sung for me, and the times she's called me for "technical support." I can definitely remember the times when I would think about her and just wonder how she was. I remember the first time we swing danced together (I was so nervous). I remember the fun times, the sad times, and the quiet times. I remembered when I realized I missed her. I remember the time she embraced me and said "happy birthday," then realizing how much I just wanted to be with her...


I love her. I'm blessed by her presence in my life, and how through those years of sincere friendship we've pointed each other to God. She's a blessing to so many people, and I know of her heart that she's so genuinely caring. I know so much that as she's a blessing here, she'll be such a blessing to the students there. When I think about her character I sometimes wonder why "she-is-the-way-that-she-is," but then, the more I get to know her family, I realize so much that with God, they've brought up such a wonderful woman of Him.

She's leaving for India soon, to teach. I'm so happy for her and just from what I can see so far in what God's doing in her in all this- He's teaching her so much. I'm excited to hear about what God's going to continue to do through her and in her, in all of this. There's so much preparation that she's been going through in the past weeks, not just physical luggage that needs to be prepared... well, in a sense, the spiritual, emotional, and mental luggage anyone brings when they're away from home. She's already growing so much and I'm so greatful to God and joyful in that.

When she leaves, I'm really looking forward to more time with God to reflect on my life, reflect on Him and just continue to grow in Him. I'm looking forward to the coming weeks in excitement for news about her time there and to be able to pray for her. I'm looking forward to adventures and time with good friends. I'm looking forward to what God reveals in my heart when she's far away from me. I'm looking forward to some time of silence with God and retreat in nature and see His glory there. I'm looking forward to learning more about how to use javascript and better serve my employer. I'm looking forward to walking with God in all this.

She and I, sitting in a tree...

I'm going to miss her, so very much, and it's okay. :-)

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

The Crown and the Ninety Degree Tooth

As I sit here, eating a sloppy joe sandwich that tastes like a taco, I'm just thinking of the many things that can be wrong with me. Like having a cold, or just being sick in general. This time, it's my teeth, among other things.

So, here's what happened... About a week ago, Emily and I were on a date, just hanging out and having some fun. It was a typical kinda thing, just talking, thinking, laughing, and just being together. Well, it was dinner and a movie. After dinner we walked to the theater, she offered me some gum, and I offered her a piggy back ride to the theater, it wasn't a far walk and we were just playing around.

As I was coming to a halt on the crosswalk, I feel something in my mouth. It was smooth on the sides, it was attached to my gum, the top of it was rough. Eww, yes, as my breath stunk of tooth matter all I had to say was "Uh oh." Em immediately said, "what's wrong?" Well, it was the crown of one of my teeth.

Now, the really amazing thing that happened is that Emily's dad is a dentist, so the following Monday he had set an appointment for me during lunch. So I had a dentist visit with Mr. Winter and here's what we found:

My Teeth

Oooo la... yes, I have tooth that's growing ninty degrees, I have another tooth that seems like a baby tooth just sitting over another, and a tooth that's burried underneath my gums. So in April, I have an appointment with an oral surgeon who's going to help me out.

The tooth that had grown ninty degrees is natural, it had grown continuously throughout the years underneath my gums. The tooth in itself isn't at fault. It wasn't able to grow out properly, and I was unaware of this. Overall, it's a physical imperfection and it needs to be removed.

I really believe that sin is the same way. It's so easy to foster and grow something natural and good. Then it's also so easy to make something good into something it's not. I believe that God corrects these things if and when we're willing to change. I'm willing.

It's really good to know that even in these imperfections, God still loves me.

Rom 8:38For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers,
Rom 8:39nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Thank God.