Sunday, February 14, 2010

Old Words: Not now, just then

I found this old post from an old blog I've had. I've written so honestly in the past... I wonder right now if I still am the same way. Do I bare witness to my own thoughts, or do I edit and filter each murmur of my incessant mind? I want to be a witness to you, in God's love for me, here's where I've been. The following was written on Sunday, February 10th, 2008.

Not now, just then

I've been busy in my mind.
I've been busy with my mind dealing with my heart.
There are many instances that I sense selfishness with my "wants."
I pray for God's will, that I know nothing of.
Stumbling blocks seem much more apparent now and flesh is suddenly so easy to deal with.
Caring for people I don't know, I feel strange that my heart would sink for them.
I feel compelled to take action to show people love.
I feel trapped in a sense of worthlessness of actions.
There are 4 people in my life that I have concern for that are in troubled times, I pray for them in every chance I get.
I have a good friends that I think about knowing their good hearts.
I met someone who I am afraid of.
I spoke with an old girlfriend of mine. My heart raced, I was scared. I pray that she's doing fine.
For the past 4 weeks I've been busy on the weekends.
I've danced to eighties music with very fun people.
I love my family dearly, I miss my sister.
I'm not happy, I have a sense of joy.
My dad's pug is irritating but endearing. My brother's chihuahua-terrier is always loved.
I am alone, however, not lonely- just a sense of void.
The park is an excellent place to take a nap.
Hearing the wind rustle the leaves makes me take a deep breath.
I've met broken hearts.
I've been wanting to apologize to uncertainty.
There's a way.
I have songs in my head I sing when they come forward.
Having faith in the Lord is comparable to being consumed with utter love.
Not knowing many things and knowing some things is a good thing.
Knowledge is fleeting (and as vestigial to an ostrich as it's wings, as it is to us at) many moments.
I want to know people who care.
I've seen pride hide through many faces.
There's a veneer for many sins.
Beauty is what God intended for our hearts, through His love.
Don't tell me what to do. Suggest that I do.
I'll be recluse and mistaken.
I am neither here nor there.
It's when you've drawn in your eyes the lapse of sincerity that I'll listen.
I'll have a hard time remembering your name but I'll remember a sense of you.

All this was written in a tangent of thought. It's not a poem, just simple honest thoughts that I've had one after the other. Most of these ring so true to today.


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