Sunday, December 12, 2010

This is a Little Strange Evening

I'm typing this post in my car. A strange event just happened as I was on my way home, and as it stands, I'm waiting patiently and exhaustedly in my car for this to be over.

After writing that previous line, a tow truck appeared from the corner of my eye. In a thought of sheer thankfulness, I just praised God.

I had a somewhat peculiar day. I woke up later than I wanted to, not hearing the two alarms I had prepared for myself. I was dreary and made it to work with thick phlegm in my throat, a sniffle and tired eyes. Just thinking of being tired... of being tired. In this irony of perpetual, "tired-ness," I found myself staring at my computer, working on something that just needed to be finished. A project of both simple and rigorous implementation. Work was good, productive, and somewhat fun. As in the midst of the busyness, I was able to appreciate not being in bed and just thanking God for the capability to work under such physical lows.

After work, I drove to see my friends, we just hung out and relaxed, made jokes. Then they started writing papers while I fixed a bug that was bothering me on my blog. At around 11:30pm, we left to go to an ice skating rink in Yorba Linda. My friends and a bunch of people played broom ball; the game finished in about an hour. We left the place at around 1:40am.

Coming back to my friend's home, we separated, it was late and I wanted to sleep. On the drive home, the freeway that I need to take narrowed down to one lane due to painting lanes. I exited the freeway one exit than I usually take and found a car close to the exit lane from the south side. So I evaluated the situation and figured, this person is probably in trouble and doesn't know what to do. With the way people drive on main streets getting out of the freeway at these hours, I assumed that it wouldn't be safe to leave a car in the middle of two middle lanes. So I parked my car in the near parking lot. I prayed and walked toward the car and saw the driver. She was on her phone with a seemingly frantic look on her face. She was wearing clothes that I've seen people walk out to town in... in bars. So approached the passenger side door and asked, "do you need help?" She replied "yes" and I told her to put her car in neutral so I could push it to safety. As I was pushing it up the hill toward the parking lot, I was praying, and as the incline was feeling somewhat steeper because of the burden I was pushing, she pulled on her emergency brake. I was somewhat confused as to the reason why someone would do that... so I walked toward her driver side and asked her to not do that. She replied, "sorry, can I help push?" I just said, I need you to steer.

We got closer and closer to our destination, she turned straight into the hump entering the parking lot. I felt it, I felt it in my thighs, my calf muscles, my back, my ankles... I asked her to pull the emergency break, and she did. I asked her to push the car from the back as I steered. I wanted to use my position in the front as both leverage and be able to steer the car. After counting to three, we were able to get it over the bump and into the parking lot, I jumped into the car and parked it near a lamp post. A few kids in the parking lot came out their car and helped push a bit up the bump as well.

The guys from the car and I took a look at the radiator and oil. She kept mentioning that it could just be overheating. So we opened up the radiator... steam. We added water from left over bottles to the radiator, in hopes that we would be able to cool it down. For an hour we kept adding water, watching and observing whether or not the steam would dissipate. Finally, we were confident that the car had cooled down enough to start. She got into the car and attempted to start the car three times, it just would not work. She couldn't leave. She finally called her mother for the first time that evening. She was shaken, afraid and anxious on the phone and screamed "it's not my fault, it's not my fault..." over and over. The guys in the parking lot left and I waited with her in my car where I turned on the heater for the tow truck her mom sent.

It was truly a strange evening.

Friday, December 10, 2010

December December

After Thanksgiving, in comes December with all it's fury of the "Holiday" season. This holiday season to me involves traffic, cold weather, stress, excitement, family, friends, good food... In the back of my mind, I've been thinking about this: etymology of the word "Holiday" actually comes from "holy" or something whole, or separate, or should not be violated or transgressed on(Holy). A "holy-day" is meant to be a time set apart, to have time to recreate. I find myself thinking about this more often in these times.

I feel somewhat frustrated about the way I think about this season. There are good things about it, in that I do want to spend time with family and friends. I know that it is good because I want to be thankful to God. I just feel somewhat frustrated that there is the thought in me of this season being somewhat stripped of it's "holiness." We set this time of the year for God, this season to celebrate His birth. More and more I look around me and I find that this season has lost it's intrinsic worth. At least to me, I like to think of this season's worth as God's grace.

I'm just thankful for Him and what He did and what He continues to do in my life.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Holidilately

Holiday season has been pretty cool... and by cool, I mean cold. There's not a moment in the beautiful mornings when I wake up I don't think about starting a camp fire in my room. It's been so cold, I've had the most difficult time getting up in the mornings. I love this season, but I don't love the temperature. 50 degrees, no thank you.

My Family and I on Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving was a blast. I'm so thankful to have a great family, they are such a blessing. Aprille and Francis hosted the gathering, and Kia and Al drove down from Sacramento to be with us. Ava and Robert were also there, and our parents, and not to forget the cutest niece and nephew I could ever ask for, everyone was there! It was good seeing everyone and just being able to spend time with them. That's really one thing I've been lacking lately.

The day after Thanksgiving, I drove up to Lake Arrowhead to see my love. It was a good drive up in my Corolla, compared to last year, it was a somewhat difficult in the 98' Corolla. After a 50min or so drive, I was in the clouds, my ears were cold and I couldn't have been more excited that day. We spent some time walking, talking, piggy back riding, trying to play with snow, playing cards, playing pool, and eating... It was a good day.

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The day after the day after Thanksgiving, I met up with my family at the Ontario Hills Mall. It took me about 15 minutes to find a spot to park in, and another 40minutes to find most of my family members because Ava and Robert decided to leave earlier because of how busy it was inside the mall. The mall seemed to be flooding with people with waves and waves of them... well, maybe I should say, "us."

Ontario Hills Mall Foodcourt

People were shopping, I was shopping... my family was shopping. I realized so much of why I was there; I wanted to see them.

Then I saw this:

Oh how I want this to be my cry this season.

Friday, October 1, 2010

Life

This thought came to mind, as I sit here on this pew, in a coffee shop suited for those who will know to appreciate the flavor of good coffee.

Catching up with myself... I'm catching up with myself. The things that I work for, the things that I do, the words that I say, the ideas I express... they travel by freight, and a trailer right behind my tired back. God know's I've been derailed. So, He stops me. I heed at the sign. The clanking steel wheels, rusted over this metaphor for a busy mind.

Lately, I've been working a few more longer hours. It seems that I stand on these two feet, but truly, I feel as though I'm leaning on God. There's a burden on my heart, as I begin to ponder what's next in my life and where God wants me. I feel challenged to run on His steam, at my pace, in His time. Maybe sometimes I just go. Maybe sometimes I get distracted.

Life, honestly, has been difficult. I love my job and the things I do there. At times, it does get tough, I pray to God for the strenght I need to be patient and persevere through it. God is good and He blesses me. In my relationship with Emily, I love her so much. At times, our relationship gets difficult as well. I pray to God for understanding, patience, and so much forgiveness. God knows my love will never be enough.

So I'm at a point in my heart and mind once again, "was God ever enough for me?" So I come back to Him, over and over again... because God knows, I'm never enough and He's more than I could do or ever ask for.

This is to myself who will read this sometime again, "remember who God is."

To Jared, who's making fun of this as I write this... I love you man.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Old Words: Mind: 1 Vessels Part 1

I found old words from a few years ago that still ring true in my heart today. I decided to re-post this on this blog; having it set to re-publish itself two years from when it was written.

Monday, April 21, 2008

Mind: 1 Vessels Part 1

Lord, I pray that you will guide me in my words. I am inspired by the truth in my heart, Your spirit compels me.

My mind has been a vessel for thoughts, ideas and concepts; they move through the oceans of doubt, inadequacies, temptations, and selfishness in a constant flow. Vessels sink, in inadequacies, in doubt... but I pray to you Lord, for the strength and buoyancy to float through these.

I feel inadequate for God's work, yet my Lord still uses me; I feel inadequate for God's love, yet my Lord still loves me; I feel inadequate for God's compassion, yet my Lord still cares for me. His loving kindness fills me, His spirit moves me. In this I trust in the Lord, with my heart.

Yet when I trust in the Lord, I trust Him blindly at times. Where my concern is not that of my own self, but that of how it affects others. I question my intent, I question my love for myself. For how am I to love my neighbor, as I love myself? If not my love for them is not a love for my own. So I trust in the Lord, I pray to Him. A sovereign, great provider I know we have in Him. I pray for His will, and petition my own. I am comforted to know my God is impartial. I am comforted to know my God is just.

I do not know if I love myself. I have no fear in death. My mortality faces me everyday. I trust my Lord will deliver me. I trust that I will be with Him to glorify His name. I have no fear in death. I seek the truth, the word of my Lord. I seek that the fruit of His wisdom, not only in His word, and my testimony shall be a light to those who are needy. O' I love what He has done in my life. I love the spirit within me; I love this frail heart, and this stochastic mind. For my heart I've prayed for it to be as malleable as clay and my mind for it to be filled with discernment with His spirit. I love myself, I pray to be strong, loving, understanding, forgiving, and nonjudgmental. For my Lord has labored in love so that we may follow Him. I am healed by His faith and compassion.

I acknowledge that my heart is still fallible; my Lord has blessed me with heartache. I tell you my mind is scattered into a multitude of thoughts; my Lord has blessed me with questions. How is my Lord to form my heart if He does not knead it? How is my Lord to captivate my thoughts without setting a trap? The Lord works in mysterious ways... I still cannot fathom.

View Mind: 1 Vessels Part 1 in it's original post.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

The Busy...

I've been somewhat busy lately. Busy working, spending time with God and just living. I guess we're all busy in one way or another.

Right now, it's just lunchtime at work and I really have nothing to talk about.

I guess I just wanted to say "Hi"

A lot has been going on in my life the past three weeks or so... I just thank God so much for everything in it.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Part Two: Detours

I suppose that life, in all that I can percieve, unfolds with unsuspected certainty. I cannot believe fully or have faith in all of the future I plan out or intend to make for myself. Nor do I have the capacity in knowledge of the future to make for myself the best outcome of all the underlying potentialities of the present. I only know of the truth that is present from the circumstances and situations that I find myself in.

I believe in the truth of the God. He is apparent to me in all His works and in all His glory. I experience His prescence in my life. Here is truth.

On March 31st, 2010, I was on my way to the Lamont Courthouse in Kern County. I had failed to make my appearance due to car complications. In the possibilty that I could have made it to court, they were closed in observation of Ceasar Chavez day.

Detours

That day happened and I was lost. I only had ideas of what I needed to do, and what should be done. As my father drove us to Longbeach, we talked about the idea and reality of needing a new car. I thought to myself, "I really just need a car that would take me from point ’a’ to point ’b’."

After arriving in Longbeach, my father parted ways from my mother and I to go to work. My mother and I went for a visit at the nearest Toyota dealership I can remember. Mr. Winter called me earlier that afternoon to ask how I was and what my plans were. Upon finding out I was in the market for a car, he also recommended the Toyota dealership in Orange. He’s a blessing.

I took his words under advisement, then my mother and I went on our way to the Miller Toyota dealership in Anaheim. Kendice, a friendly sales consultant, greeted us and asked us what he could do for us. He and I talked about cars, what I was looking for... I like consistency, I’d love a dependable car. The old car I had, was a 98’ Corolla, pre-owned and died at over 187,000 miles. I’ve experienced dependability. Then it came to mind... I wanted a Corolla. My sister showed up shortly after.

I learned something that day. When you’re a first time car buyer, it’s not about what you want, it’s about what you can potentially afford. I was blessed that day. After looking at a few options for cars and test driving the Corolla S and Corolla LE, I just really wanted a Corolla. Kendice introduced us to Jun, and they helped me understand so much about what it’s like to make such an investment. What credit means what it really is... and how mine isn’t ideal.

Grace... I qualified at a minimum down payment and monthly payment I could afford. Jun ran the numbers and worked with what I could afford. My mother and sister were there giving me moral support.

I have a new car, thanks to Miller Toyota in Anaheim, namely Kendice, Jun, and Candie who worked with me to get the car I want.

Some of the financial aftermath, I’m starting fresh with my credit and savings... and that’s a blessing. I thank God so much in His providence and forethought in all it is He does for me.

Read part one: Death of A Car

Monday, April 5, 2010

Three Extractions, One Tooth Exposure later

Three Extractions, One Tooth Exposure later

I went to the oral surgeon's office today. I believe I'm still quite drugged up... but I'm fine. I was asleep for the hour they worked on my teeth. Now I'm home and I just need to rest.

Going to a dentist, doctor or surgeon is really nervewreacking to so many people. I had a mixture of excitement and being scared... mostly because they put me in a deep sleep. Everything seems to have gone well... I just have to take good care of my mouth.

I'm hoping to be better soon. But for now I'm just going to rest. I have gauze in my mouth to stop the bleeding.

Thanks Mr Winter D.D.S, Brian Chung D.D.S MD, for the big help with my teeth. It was a really pleasant experience with both of them.

Well, I best go rest now... I hope everyone else's week is starting off well. :-)

Related Post:

Friday, April 2, 2010

Indian Food for Lunch

Indian Food for Work

Today we went to Diamond India Buffet for lunch and we had a decent meal. I really enjoy eating at that place, moreover, I feel as if I'm partaking in Emily's meals there in India. I don't eat this kind of food that often so it was such a delight.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

The Death of A Car

The day started at 5:40am. I woke up and just started to get ready for the day ahead. Normal, just normal, brushed my teeth, combed my hair, shaved, dressed up in a collared shirt, emailed work for the plans of my day. I prayed and invited God to be in everything of today.

The plan was, to drive up north to go to court in Lamont Ca, then plead innocent for a citation, drive to work, work, then go home. Then pray, think, and pray and worship.

After leaving home, I filled up my tank and started heading north, two hours in and so close to Lamont, California, just shy of 20mi  from my destination when suddenly, "CHUCHAAAAA!" The sound of a hissing cough reverberated through my dashboard, I looked over and the oil light was lit like a angry red lamp. The car stalled... I immediately hit the cautionary lights on the dashboard as I slowly lost momentum to move forward, uphill, three lanes to the right, on the Interstate 5 Freeway. Everything happened so fast. I was careful to observe all the surrounding traffic and road. The shoulder I ended up on was adjacent to the end tail of a freeway entrance.

The Death

I sat in my car for a few moments. I prayed. I called my sister and asked her for some insurance information. I dialed the number, after a few more key presses, going through the menu, a representative from Farmers speaks and asks me how she could be of some assistance; asked for a tow. After getting all the information she needed she placed the request and immediately asked if there was anything else she could help with I asked her for advice... "what should I do about my court appearance?" She replied: "I don't think I could give you advice about that." I immediately called the Kern County Court in Lamont... the answering machine said, "the Kern County Court of Lamont will be closed on March 31st for Ceasar Chavez day." I was perplexed, so I prayed.

I waited patiently in my car and I noticed that it started to rain, lightly. The rain drops were so light that they fell like bubbles. They were floating sideways, like tiny dancing feathers and landed with such grace only to end up on my windshield as dew. They weren't raindrops. It was snow. I delighted in the sight of these flakes of water landing on my car as a blessing. The cold air gently gently guiding each transformation of states, a unique crystalline structure to water, just like every water drop.

Snowing in TowingIMG_9907

The tow truck arrived soon enough, I had not noticed because I opened the hood briefly to see if there was anything I could do for the car. He lowered the tow bed and appeared at my side and asked me to just come out and leave the keys in the car. I did. I came out of the car and left the keys in the ignition. It had occurred to me that I had done something quite laughable. I had left the keys in car... indeed, this is what he had asked me to do; I locked the door. I stated, "Umm, I just did something stupid..." the driver, with his unkempt mustache, replied: "oh, that's a problem." He finished attaching everything he could to my car in that step, in order to affix it to the truck. The following step required a call to his co-worker, to bring the tool to unlock the door. After getting everything done, he began to lift the car up and further prepare it for it's eventual demise.

I was sitting at the passenger side within the truck. I decided that it was too far to tow the truck all the way home as I knew that I home was 160mi away. He told me of an auto shop that could potentially fix my car, and perhaps, maybe I could be on my way to court. So he drove us up the hill, close to four miles and proceeded to enter the hidden hills of Frazier Park. A small pleasant town with erratic springtime weather and nice people.

The Heart of the CarIMG_9912

When we arrived at the auto shop, the mechanics took a look at where the oil should have been on the engine's dipstick. They then took a close look at the spark plugs and  inner workings of the car, while checking the pressure of each cylinder. The the oil and pressure were non-existent. Sludge covered the second to fourth plugs and I was still hopeful, that the heart of this loyal machine, would beat again. As I eluded previously in this story... it didn't. I prayed.

I then started to ask Tabitha, the garage manager and wife of the owner, what options I had. She looked at me from across her desk, in her green knitted sweater and told me, with an upbeat voice: "You could either, get a new engine, have this one rebuilt , or just junk the car." She was kind to me about my situation in her honesty. I asked her if there was any way I could be compensated for the, "junk" that I would leave. She was so helpful and got me all the details I needed. I called my sister again and asked her what to do, she referred me to our mother.

My mom is a dreamer and a doer. She's hopeful and realistic in most circumstances. In this one she was ready to just come in and save her son. She asked me what my plans were. I replied, "I was thinking of leaving the car, then hitching and riding my bicycle to the nearest train station." She was appalled and insisted on picking me up. I gave her the incorrect address and my mother and father eventually found their way through town and came to my rescue. They are such amazing parents. I can't thank them enough for all they do for me.

IMG_9916

After the call with my mom, I knew I needed to eat. I asked Tabitha if there was a place around with free wifi; I knew that there were a few things I needed to finish and deliver and I was determined to just get those things done. She recommended a cafe down the hill from us called Coffee Cantina. Its a cozy cafe with yellow earthy toned ocher walls. I thank God so much for that place. I was able to finish up some work.

IMG_9917

We emptied the car of stuff, we said our farewell to Tabitha, the garage, and the owner. The drive back was pleasant and beautiful, I could see that flowers were blooming on the hillsides. The yellow and green hues just accented and complimented each other in the bright afternoon sun. A few hours later, we were in Long Beach, my father had to go to work and so we parted ways with him, then my mother and I proceeded to drive toward the Toyota dealership in Anaheim, off the Ninety One freeway and Euclid. We had discussed earlier on the trip back that I just needed a new car.

To be continued...

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Sending "Hello"

Books

She's left for India. I'm missing her and it's been a day. I'm doing well, and she is too, I've been reading a bit, hanging with a few good friends, and just cleaning my room. She's been in Singapore for the past 11 hours so far on a layover. One of the things I'm glad about is that we were able to talk a bit over IM. It was really great to hear that she was well. Even from a distance, we're able to just talk.

I like the idea of just being able to send her an email and her just being able to read it... the convenience of communication. I am afraid that many people who use Facebook as a primary way of communicating, may just be missing out on things that are simpler.

Sending "Hello" in so many ways, is just as easy as sending "I love you," is just as easy.

By something simpler, I mean a note. There's something so endearing and sentimental about something you can hold. I like to think about a book, a hand written note, or a painting... all these have a visceral and veridical attributes that no image or symbolic representation on a screen could ever replace. Whenever she writes me a note, I feel as if she's left something of her with me.

I'll be writing her... There's only so much you can say through an email, or an IM.

Facebook Notification Email

On another note, I haven't been on Facebook in such a long time, it seems as if it had been concerned with my well being. I've enjoyed so much of the time I've spent away from the site. I've had more time to read, pray, contemplate life, write, and just be.

Really, I would recommend this to anyone who's been on any social networking site for over 4hrs, just get off it for 4hrs and maybe take a walk or read that book you've been wanting to finish. Sometimes, I realize how tired I am of screens.

p.s. {Sorry for anyone who sent me a message on Facebook, please send me an email instead.}

Related Post: Colon, hyphen, and "D" make :-D

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Through the Flames

Image0652

In 2007, I took a series of photos at a beach bon fire. While my friends and I were having a decent time just hanging out, we noticed that the adjacent group beside us had other plans. They made the fire larger, we could see the smoke rise into the deep blue sky. The fire illuminated us as we marveled at it's enormity.

We watched as the flames grew, the bright yellow light warmed our faces and the stench of burning freight pallets permeated our clothes. There was a fever within the midst of the crowd. A scream of excitement, "woo!" All of a sudden, one man after another jumped over the fire. The crowd screamed and laughed. I intently watched each man, or each boy hurdle over the angry flame.

So Close to the Light

Sometimes we get so close to the flame and we never realize it. I wonder if this guy knew that he was that close to landing into the burning wood.

Firewalker

I remember that he jumped as a gush of wind followed him.

I somehow find myself thinking of the metaphorical flames in our life. How we need the light for warmth, and how we add so much fuel that it bursts and we're so inclined to dare to somehow jump through it. We face the flames and the hairs on our body get singed, we wreak of it. The hair appears like tiny plastic coiled mushrooms against our skin. I can imagine how easy it is to just burst into flames.

In life, sometimes I feel like I'm playing with fire. Sometimes, I am.

Friday, March 19, 2010

Importing From the Stochastic Memory

In an effort to consolidate my memories, thoughts and writings, within the next few days, I'll be importing a few blog posts from my old site, Stochastic Memory. I'm working on something new for that website. More news within the year of what's to come. I'll update this post of all the links to the new (old) posts.

Missing Her

I'm looking at old pictures of her, from before we were dating, from before I liked her, and pictures of her from the recent times we've been with each other. I can only imagine that we've changed so much within the two and a half years we've known each other. I remember when we had a drink with at Jamba Juice in 2007, when she visited where I worked in Irvine and just waiting with excitement to see her. I remember the late night IM conversations, and personal witty exchanges at church. I remember the story telling, and my eager ear just drawn to her voice. I remember her playing the piano in New Orleans and just being amazed...

Image1032

I remember when we had our first conversation about our relationship and the confusion it brought me. I think about all the times we've talked about God and life, how He's working with us. I remember the times shared, the funny and some odd conversations in her car, the times we laughed and sighed. I remember all the times she sung for me, and the times she's called me for "technical support." I can definitely remember the times when I would think about her and just wonder how she was. I remember the first time we swing danced together (I was so nervous). I remember the fun times, the sad times, and the quiet times. I remembered when I realized I missed her. I remember the time she embraced me and said "happy birthday," then realizing how much I just wanted to be with her...

IMG_9546

I love her. I'm blessed by her presence in my life, and how through those years of sincere friendship we've pointed each other to God. She's a blessing to so many people, and I know of her heart that she's so genuinely caring. I know so much that as she's a blessing here, she'll be such a blessing to the students there. When I think about her character I sometimes wonder why "she-is-the-way-that-she-is," but then, the more I get to know her family, I realize so much that with God, they've brought up such a wonderful woman of Him.

She's leaving for India soon, to teach. I'm so happy for her and just from what I can see so far in what God's doing in her in all this- He's teaching her so much. I'm excited to hear about what God's going to continue to do through her and in her, in all of this. There's so much preparation that she's been going through in the past weeks, not just physical luggage that needs to be prepared... well, in a sense, the spiritual, emotional, and mental luggage anyone brings when they're away from home. She's already growing so much and I'm so greatful to God and joyful in that.

When she leaves, I'm really looking forward to more time with God to reflect on my life, reflect on Him and just continue to grow in Him. I'm looking forward to the coming weeks in excitement for news about her time there and to be able to pray for her. I'm looking forward to adventures and time with good friends. I'm looking forward to what God reveals in my heart when she's far away from me. I'm looking forward to some time of silence with God and retreat in nature and see His glory there. I'm looking forward to learning more about how to use javascript and better serve my employer. I'm looking forward to walking with God in all this.

She and I, sitting in a tree...

I'm going to miss her, so very much, and it's okay. :-)

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

The Crown and the Ninety Degree Tooth

As I sit here, eating a sloppy joe sandwich that tastes like a taco, I'm just thinking of the many things that can be wrong with me. Like having a cold, or just being sick in general. This time, it's my teeth, among other things.

So, here's what happened... About a week ago, Emily and I were on a date, just hanging out and having some fun. It was a typical kinda thing, just talking, thinking, laughing, and just being together. Well, it was dinner and a movie. After dinner we walked to the theater, she offered me some gum, and I offered her a piggy back ride to the theater, it wasn't a far walk and we were just playing around.

As I was coming to a halt on the crosswalk, I feel something in my mouth. It was smooth on the sides, it was attached to my gum, the top of it was rough. Eww, yes, as my breath stunk of tooth matter all I had to say was "Uh oh." Em immediately said, "what's wrong?" Well, it was the crown of one of my teeth.

Now, the really amazing thing that happened is that Emily's dad is a dentist, so the following Monday he had set an appointment for me during lunch. So I had a dentist visit with Mr. Winter and here's what we found:

My Teeth

Oooo la... yes, I have tooth that's growing ninty degrees, I have another tooth that seems like a baby tooth just sitting over another, and a tooth that's burried underneath my gums. So in April, I have an appointment with an oral surgeon who's going to help me out.

The tooth that had grown ninty degrees is natural, it had grown continuously throughout the years underneath my gums. The tooth in itself isn't at fault. It wasn't able to grow out properly, and I was unaware of this. Overall, it's a physical imperfection and it needs to be removed.

I really believe that sin is the same way. It's so easy to foster and grow something natural and good. Then it's also so easy to make something good into something it's not. I believe that God corrects these things if and when we're willing to change. I'm willing.

It's really good to know that even in these imperfections, God still loves me.

Rom 8:38For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers,
Rom 8:39nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Thank God.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

About My Niece

Image1740

This is my niece, Adrianna. She's the most adorable person in the world. She loves to sing, dance, and have great converssations. She's both witty, and the cutest farter ever. She has a great sense of humor, I mean, I love it when she talks about "doo, doo, yah, doo doo."

do... doo from Aaron on Vimeo.

Did I already mention that she loves to travel? She walks from the loveseat, to the couch, to the kitchen, to her bedroom... She's so good at walking! Don't even get me started on her crawling skills. She's the super-est! She's only one year and two months old, I can't believe how amazing this baby is.

All kidding aside. I love hangin out with my niece. She's such a joy to be around. I can't help but get a "cute overload," being around her. This evening, I was looking through some old photos, and I came across a few that I took of her back in her first month into the world. I remember her just laying there, so peacefully asleep. Her pinkish skin was the most delicate I've ever seen. Her eyes are of a brownish hue, as bright and dark similar to oak. There is this vitality within her and she exudes so much life that she brings such joy to us.

I know that we all started this way. I'm amazed how God blesses us with life. My brother is going to have a son soon. I'm truly blessed.

I really hope to be a good uncle for my nephews.

Injustice

Persecution in India: Francis' Response from Cornerstone Church on Vimeo.

I watched this this morning while at work, I feel heartbroken by the events in Orissa. There isn't much I can say about how I feel about this. I'm just praying to a merciful God.

Someone I love is going there in about a month and I am fearful for her safety. I'm not sure why they did the things they did, or what could cause so much hate against Christians. I'm praying.

I have faith that God will bless them.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Valentine's Week

So this past week has been a Valentine's week. I've had steak, pretty much three times within the past 5 days. I sometimes wish that my body could digest and reassemble the cow that I just ate. My girlfriend, who's sitting right next to me doesn't find that funny at all, but she laughed anyway. In any case, I've really enjoyed spending all this time with her, she's been a true blessing in my life. On February 14th, we went to church, spent time in the park, spent some time eating ice cream, spent some time writing music... as seen below:

February 14th

In a Snuggie, I might add. So, it was pretty much a fun day. Most of every time I spend with her is fun... and cheesy.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Old Words: Not now, just then

I found this old post from an old blog I've had. I've written so honestly in the past... I wonder right now if I still am the same way. Do I bare witness to my own thoughts, or do I edit and filter each murmur of my incessant mind? I want to be a witness to you, in God's love for me, here's where I've been. The following was written on Sunday, February 10th, 2008.

Not now, just then

I've been busy in my mind.
I've been busy with my mind dealing with my heart.
There are many instances that I sense selfishness with my "wants."
I pray for God's will, that I know nothing of.
Stumbling blocks seem much more apparent now and flesh is suddenly so easy to deal with.
Caring for people I don't know, I feel strange that my heart would sink for them.
I feel compelled to take action to show people love.
I feel trapped in a sense of worthlessness of actions.
There are 4 people in my life that I have concern for that are in troubled times, I pray for them in every chance I get.
I have a good friends that I think about knowing their good hearts.
I met someone who I am afraid of.
I spoke with an old girlfriend of mine. My heart raced, I was scared. I pray that she's doing fine.
For the past 4 weeks I've been busy on the weekends.
I've danced to eighties music with very fun people.
I love my family dearly, I miss my sister.
I'm not happy, I have a sense of joy.
My dad's pug is irritating but endearing. My brother's chihuahua-terrier is always loved.
I am alone, however, not lonely- just a sense of void.
The park is an excellent place to take a nap.
Hearing the wind rustle the leaves makes me take a deep breath.
I've met broken hearts.
I've been wanting to apologize to uncertainty.
There's a way.
I have songs in my head I sing when they come forward.
Having faith in the Lord is comparable to being consumed with utter love.
Not knowing many things and knowing some things is a good thing.
Knowledge is fleeting (and as vestigial to an ostrich as it's wings, as it is to us at) many moments.
I want to know people who care.
I've seen pride hide through many faces.
There's a veneer for many sins.
Beauty is what God intended for our hearts, through His love.
Don't tell me what to do. Suggest that I do.
I'll be recluse and mistaken.
I am neither here nor there.
It's when you've drawn in your eyes the lapse of sincerity that I'll listen.
I'll have a hard time remembering your name but I'll remember a sense of you.

All this was written in a tangent of thought. It's not a poem, just simple honest thoughts that I've had one after the other. Most of these ring so true to today.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Old Words: "Extrapolate"

I wrote the following words last year in May 7th, 2009 in my tumblog. I remember writing this and just thinking about so much of who God is over everything I think I need.

I’m tired of the unnecessary attachments of living. Having things. I’m tired of knowing I somehow depend on these things for satisfaction. I know my heart isn’t reliant upon these things, these days, it’s more and more difficult to discern whether or not I am defined by these things.

I imagine a self portrait of myself, in the variation of hues I can vividly remember; I’d use these things to identify who I am: a paintbrush, a pencil, a notebook, a bicycle, a computer, a collection of CDs scattered across the floor, books, a camera… I have many things associated with me, yet there is this detachment from them. I reek of the silent indulgence of satisfaction. I have no concern of things over their necessity in my living, but I indulge in them as tools I’ve used in my life.

There’s this large part of my mind that renders me as who I am. It may be a mere delusional self perception. I was naked in this portrait, there were no things laid around me, and yet there was a smile on that face and the left hand over where the heart should be. I don’t know yet if this is where I am, the case right now is that I am not, I just know that is where I want to be.

I am finite. My days have an end over this plane of existence. In this time, I want to know of sadness and despair; I want to know of pain and suffering in my life; I want to know of loneliness and the consequences of being one; I want to know of death and hell; I want to know of the difficulty and torment of living, the emotional heartbreak, frustration and anger. I scream these things out because I’ve been blessed with these things.

Then I raise my voice even more to shout for life; in these finite moments, I’ve come to know of joy, and intentional joy. I have come to know of love and the many forms of it and the misappropriation of them; I have come to know that I am blessed to never be alone and that the relationships I have with my brethren are building; I have come to know of life and what it is to live in truth and light; the mere glimpses I have of my past through the memories I remember, I’ve come to know many things and reason who I am now ultimately by the choice to place God before myself.

Right now, I’m just tired in being who I am.

{Coldness became apparent when I came to know heat.}

The original post located here http://tumblog.aarondelani.com/post/104677540/extrapolate. I am so thankful for a God that provides all that I need.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Jury Duty Day

Life's been busy, er, actually, I've been busy. Between everything that happened in December, which included: work retreat, missing my girlfriend's birthday, our ministry's women's appreciation dinner, the Co-project, support raising, Christmas, my brother's marraige, and going to New Orleans; I haven't really given myself breathing room. In fact, I can definitely say that I have overbooked myself a bit.

So I'm sitting here right now in a the Central Justice Center in Santa Ana, as I am writing this, they're roll calling... and they just called me and I screamed "Here!" Ironically, I'm in the jury's quiet room, they have the door open.

Sorry about the tangent, but that just happened. I'm just trying to relax and catch up with myself. I'm glad that things have slowed down with my work load a bit. I made time yesterday to learn to code some javascript. The first script I wrote was last week, and it ended up okay... I'm planning on taking some more time to clean up my room just a little more and catch up with some good friends this month. Like having some taco bell with Kat.

IMG_9789

It's really hard to believe that New Orleans was two weeks ago. Throughout the whole trip, God had truly shown that He is faithful. I was so humbled by the experience, New Orleans still needs much help. I just realized right now that I still need to collect myself and meditate on what happened in N.O.

Right now, I'm glad to be back, I'm really happy to see the faces at home, church, Long Beach, and work. I'm really happy to be able to spend time with Emily.

Painting Pottery

Painting Pottery Part One from Aaron on Vimeo.

So this is our first date coming back from New Orleans, we painted pottery... it took us a little over four hours to finish a three piece tea set. We painted a cup for each other. The one I painted her has a ladybug near the handle and on one side it says "You're Tearific," then there's hearts painted to a really big heart with our faces on it. Yes, I know it's cheesy, but it's pretty cool.

I'm hoping that our efforts have not been in vain.

Anyway, that's it for now... if you're reading this from Facebook, you wont be able to see any videos... so visit http://www.aarondelani.com

References
  • 1it was just a display slider and I used the jQuery library.